Updated: Feb 7
“In this video, I want to teach you how to breathe a woman.
That might sound like a pretty wild idea. It might sound really strange when I say that, "breathe a woman." What the hell does that mean? It could sound like pseudo-spiritual nonsense. But it's not.
It's a very powerful and useful tool that you can learn how to use, which will dramatically change your relationship to women—the women that you are just meeting, but also the woman in your life that maybe you've been with for many years.
This technique comes from sexual yoga. And can be applied in the most ordinary situations to have a really massive impact, in terms of...
Her feeling safe around you,
Her being attracted to you,
Her feeling she could trust you,
Her feeling polarized by you...
It will also let her feel seen by you.
But most importantly, what it does is it makes her feel like you're being present with her. And presence continues to be one of those number one qualities in men that women are looking for.
Now, women are unique in their own ways and each woman might have their own preferences. But surveys have shown, since the mid 80's, when we look at 1000's of men and women: what do women really want in the opposite sex? Presence is the number one answer. And it's been the number one answer for a long time.
In the way that you breathe a woman demonstrates your presence immediately.
It's not something you have to talk about. It's not something you have to explain to her. It's not something you have to prove to her. It's something you do. And there is nothing like that.
So let's get down to the mechanics.
I'm sure a lot of you have a meditative practice or breath practices that you've been doing and cultivating this kind of breath—whether it's deep breathing, belly breathing, pranayama, Wim Hof, all forms and techniques... right?
Besides getting high on breath, what function does it really have?
Your breath begins to modulate your internal state. You can change your state, or your experience of the present moment, by the way that you manipulate your breath.
When you're angry, your breath is going to do something specific.
When you're afraid, your breath is going to do something specific.
When you're depressed or exhausted, your breath is going to do something specific.
And when you start to become aware of what your breath is doing, we can use these breathing techniques to help augment our state or our experience of any given moment. And when we become masterful with breath—masterful with mindfulness—we can utilize these techniques to actually augment our state in any given moment, particularly difficult ones. And a particularly challenging moment for men is when we feel sexually attracted to somebody. That can be very uncomfortable, make us act very weird. I know that I've experienced that countless times in my life. And then there is the event of having sex with somebody where you're really riled up.
Sex is pretty much where everyone goes unconscious.
That's where people go most unconscious, is when they're having sex. We just black out and we let sensation take over. And that's where intimacy begins to fall apart for a lot of people: either before sex occurs, during that event, or maybe many years after you've been having sex with the same person. It kind of all falls apart.
So these are just a number of situations that learning how to breathe a woman will begin to remedy. It can actually become a very artful experience that's deepening your connection and making you more attractive and making your sex better as the years go on, rather than worse.
the first thing that you do is just notice how you're breathing.
Are you breathing deeply?
Is your breath shallow?
Is your mouth open?
Close your mouth.
Rest the tip of your tongue to the upper palate, very gently.
Keep the lips closed and relax your jaw line—no tension in the jaw, no tension in the neck.
Relax your eyes, so there's no intensity in your eyes.
When you inhale, suck the breath to the back of the throat through the sinuses—suck back, kind of focus back here [pointing to back of throat] as you draw down into the breath. And you'll hear that it kind of becomes hollow. (I'm using my lower diaphragms like a vacuum effect to draw the breath down into my body.)
What you will feel, as you do that correctly, is that the chest and the belly begin to expand as you inhale because you're using the diaphragms.
This is very different than breathing... [i.e. exaggerates breathing as shoulders move up and down]. That's not how we do this.
Relax the shoulders. The shoulders don't lift.
The belly expands and then the body inflates upwards like a balloon, but the shoulders are relaxed the whole time.
When you start breathing in this way, you're going to feel deeper. You're going to feel more grounded to whoever you're around because your breath is physically grounding in your body. It's deeper in your belly. It's deeper in your balls.
the deeper your breath goes into the base of your body, the more polarizing you are. Particularly to a woman who appreciates a grounded man, or a present man, and wants to feel him grounded in his essence.
Rather than floating around in his head and (so on)... She just wants to feel that presence.
Just becoming aware of your own breath, and starting that process of deepening and slowing the breath is your first step.
The second step iS, NOW THAT YOU ARE AWARE OF YOUR BREATH... become aware of her breath. How is she breathing?
The way that you become aware of her breath is you want to really notice her in your peripheral vision. You don't want to look at her chest or look at her belly like you're looking into a petri dish. You don't want to do that.
Soften your gaze and just become aware in the periphery.
You can look into her eyes if you know this woman, and you are very close to her... and observe her breath in your peripheral field. See what her chest and her body are doing. But you're looking into her eyes.
If you don't know this woman, you could be looking straight ahead, but seeing her body in your periphery.
And as you begin to observe her rhythm—her tempo—you can begin to synchronize yourself to her rhythm.
And the feeling that you're going for as you start to make this connection...
And this is the third step...
Is as you begin to sympathize and resonate with her system, it's as if you're beginning to catch her breath, and begin to have her breath follow yours. Such that her breath begins to slow down in the way that your breath does. Such that her tempo begins to match yours. And maybe it doesn't do it for every single breath. That's okay. But just when you see that her body's beginning to [deep relaxing exhale as body softens], and that breath becomes a little longer [in her], then you know that you're beginning to create resonance with her. You know that your bodies are beginning to move into the sympathetic state with each other.
From there, you can begin guiding her body and her breath into you.
Every next breath you take is a little deeper, a little slower.
And you're feeling her as you do this.
You're inviting her to slow down and meet you in your depth.
You're not rushing.
You're not leaning in too soon.
You're not leaning in at all.
You're leaning back.
You're resting down.
But you're feeling out.
And the combination of those things becomes very polarizing to a woman, because you feel present to her. Because...
She can feel you sensitive enough to feel her breath.
She could feel you're mindful enough to see what's happening in the present moment, and not be lost in your thoughts or yourself.
She can feel your equanimity in that moment—meaning you don't need the moment to change. So she can be in whatever state she's in for as long as she's in it. And there you are, just breathing with her. Present with her. Feeling her.
The combination of those things: that awareness, that sensitivity, and that equanimity, create a very polarizing experience for whoever you're around.
Again, you can do this with a complete stranger. You can do this with a partner you've loved for your entire life. And it will have this effect. And the more skillful you become at it, the more powerful that effect will be. Just like throwing a punch in martial art: you learn a punch, you can throw it a few times, but it's not really that good a punch, you know? It becomes a good punch after about 10,000 reps. So it's the same idea.
If you notice you're doing this—trying this out—it's going to feel a little stiff, a little forced, a little rigid at first. Just like anything new that you're learning. And if you're doing it a little too obviously, it can feel quite a bit creepy. Particularly if it's with a stranger, but even with a longtime intimate partner might be like, "what the hell are you doin?" So you want to be subtle about it. You want to be skillful about it.
If they stop and they go, "what are you doing?" You're doing it too much. You gotta ease off on the gas a little bit. It should be almost imperceptible, what you're doing. But it should feel good. And the more she opens towards you—starts to notice and begins following your breath or even moving towards you because she's noticing something feels good about you—that's when you can start to really deepen it and make her feel more of you. And then you'll see immediately in her facial expressions, and in her body, if she's a "yes," and if she wants you to keep bringing that... "more more."
You can polarize her if you're sitting next to her on a plane, or a bus, or in a hot tub; Or if you're lying next to her in bed; or if you're sitting across from her at the dinner table. You can always utilize this technique. And it's a game changer.
Because when you learn how to do this in the most conventional and mundane settings, and you're able to bring depth and intimacy there, then when it comes to the real moments of sex and intimacy, you have this in your back pocket. You have skill. And it directly then correlates to how you make love and how you navigate sex with her body and your own body, moment to moment, is through this breath. It's essential.
So the last thing I'll say before in this video is...
These techniques aren't really taught in public. And I don't particularly like to teach them in public because of the whole pickup artists community and how these things can be abused by people with bad intentions, and they are. So I'm making this video in trust that the men are part of this community and the men who see this video are men of integrity. And that when we use these tools to open others, we're doing it with integrity, and a genuine interest to get to know someone sexually. And get to know someone on their level. If you feel authentically attracted and that person is showing availability and possibility of wanting to get to know you, then you can bring this tool.
And it's a really beautiful tool to bring because that can be going on in the background and you can just be saying, "hello, how are you? Nice to meet you. Yeah, my name is so and so..." And the conversation is very, you know, delightful. But your interest is still being demonstrated in this very subtle breath. And it's an availability. It's an extension of your presence—an extension of your sexual prowess—that she gets to feel. And then she gets to decide...
"Hmm... does this feel good?"
"Do I want to move into this?"
"Am I already taken and I can feel this guy's very polarizing? I'm out of here."
But she has the ability to navigate the moment of freewill, without feeling manipulated. And that's really what we're going for.
We're not trying to manipulate people. We're trying to own our strength—our sexual fullness, our presence, our depth, not be suppressed or afraid to be a sexual being—and simultaneously honor others at the same time. And that's absolutely possible. And this technique is a very powerful way to learn just how true that is.
It's something beyond the tricks, and the routines, and the strategies. You're bringing the gift of your breath to the woman, making that an invitation for her to come closer to you, or not. And whichever way she moves, you're in equanimity with that. So I'd like to invite you guys for this month to experiment with this.
If you've been using breath techniques, meditation techniques, yogic techniques then...
this is the bridge between the solo-bodIED practice and the two-bodied practice. This is where it becomes something more than just about you and how you feel.
That's interesting for a little while. But eventually, what do you do with this? What do you do with this breath and this body? You give it as a gift in love and service. And this is one way you can do that: through breath.
So bring your breath as a gift consciously. I've done this with my brother. I've done this with my mother. I've done this with my child. It can be a very non-sexual gift too. So I invite all of you to experiment this month how you can bring your breath as a gift.
Become aware of your own breath—deepen and and slow the breath.
Become aware of theirs. Feel its tempo, begin to match your breath to theirs;
And then begin to draw their tempo into yours—slowing the breath, deepening the breath;
And then just notice what happens next.”