Updated: Feb 1, 2021
“You don’t build an altar to a Goddess after she’s arrived… you build it before you even know her name, that you might entice her presence with the quality of your offering. Prepare your Kingdom for Her arrival and expect to be met in kind.” –Touch Copple
Whether in men's circles, private coaching sessions, or in workshop Q&A’s, the most common question I hear from men lately centers around some version of the following:
“How do I find, attract, and keep a high-value woman?”
A quick Google search will unearth an unending cascade of workshops, seminars, lectures, videos, books, and web pages dedicated to variations on the theme: “Calling in the One”, “Claiming your Queen”, “Getting the Goddess”, “Meeting the Divine Feminine”, or “Attracting my Future-wife”, to name a few.
This is not a simple question- nor is it a new one.
In fact, it may be one of the oldest questions men have been asking each other since the original emergence of our linguistic capacities.
But despite countless millennia devoted to solving this universal masculine quandary, it appears men still struggle to find the answer to this question no less today than they did during the Bronze Age.
And to further complicate things, the question proves a somewhat moving target these days, contingent upon an almost infinite number of variables given the current shuffling of socio-cultural notions on gender, familial responsibility, and hierarchy.
The following 3-step path is not so much as an answer to this question, but rather a way each man can go about answering the question for himself.
DISCLAIMER: This path is:
A path I have walked myself through the agonies and ecstasies of my own lived experience.
A path derived from a lifetime of guidance from numerous mentors, teachers, and partners.
A path I walk everyday in partnership with the woman quoted at the beginning of this article.
A path that never ends.
A path, not THE path.
Step 1: PREPARE YOURSELF
“How can a man find, attract, and keep a Goddess?”
By preparing your Kingdom to receive her.
And the first step to preparing your Kingdom, is to prepare yourself.
The cultivation of daily practices that develop the mind and body are naturally important.
This matter lies at the heart of what we teach here at Tribe.
A man can successfully cultivate a powerful presence through a progression of posture, breath, and meditation practices. But I want to point you towards something a little more unorthodox.
It begins by asking yourself the following question:
If you had to rate your own value as a potential mate on a scale from 1-10 (with “1” being an actual Neanderthal and “10” being the best possible catch a woman could fathom) what number would you honestly give yourself?
No, I said what number would you honestly give yourself....
Good. Now, what are some things you could do to increase that number without abandoning who you truly are, or pretending to be someone you are truly not?
Meaning, throw that Pickup Artist Playbook out the window and focus on developing the content and quality of yourself, rather than trying to memorize a rehearsed routine.
Gimmicks don’t work because every woman is different, and every woman is different unto herself multiple times a day. You know this. You've experienced this.
Don’t waste time trying to “Crack the Code” or “Learn the Program”.
Crack your own code. Master your own program.
What about you could use some improvement, upgrades, or acknowledgement?
If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone in the “spiritual community” complain about wondering why their “Divine Partner” hasn’t shown up yet, all-the-while failing to acknowledge and actively work on their own shortcomings, let’s just say I’d have a few monthly mortgage payments covered for the year.
Women don’t owe you a relationship.
They don’t owe you sex.
They don’t owe you ANYTHING.
But women do want love, sex, and relationship just as much as you do.
Rather than waiting for "Ms./Mr. Right" to show up and claim you or be claimed by you, what can you do to shine your quality with every thought, word, and deed that you embody in the world?
How can you take responsibility for where you are currently and work to improve your lot by cultivating right-relationship to YOURSELF?
Do you respect yourself? Do you trust yourself? Do you love yourself?
Are you telling yourself (and others) the truth?
Can you stand naked before the mirror, look yourself in the eye, and tell yourself out loud what you love about being you?
These are big questions to ask. But if you’re still reading this, I trust you’re ready to do the work to earn the woman you deserve.
If you want to play in the big leagues, you need to put in the work and take responsibility for the relationship you have, don’t have, or want.
If you would presume to attract an actual Goddess in human form, then you best be ready to do the work required to be HER reciprocal.
Try this exercise:
First, consider... “What would please a Goddess?” (Or rather, what TYPE of Goddess would I like to attract, and then what might please HER?)
Next, consider some qualities/characteristics of the Goddess you want to claim as your own.
Then, work backwards: What would generally please my kind of woman? How could I beautify my space/energy/disposition in a way that might be pleasing to both her AND me?
Write down your answers and start doing whatever you come up with immediately!
Consider how you can bring order into your life so that she won’t have to hold the full brunt of what you have not yet tamed in yourself- because whatever is out of order in your Kingdom will be hers to inherit.
This doesn’t mean you have to be perfect.
Perfect is a lie.
Rather, prepare your Kingdom to the best of your ability.
It starts with you.
Entice the Goddess by becoming enticing.
Attract your reciprocal by doing your own work.
Step 2 - PREPARE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
OK, you’re actively working on yourself.
You’re realizing the value of a man who takes responsibility in relation to himself.
Now, let’s talk about your relationship to others:
Your past relationships and the ones you currently have are clues to how your next one might go.
Ask yourself, how are your current relationships doing? What state are they in? Do you have manipulative former partners popping up here and there on social media or text messenger?
Whatever zombies of past relationships, manipulative friends, or nasty family members you have not yet prioritized to clear will be your future partner’s to inherit.
This goes for both men and women of course, but the degree to which you have your shit together when “your person” shows up will greatly affect the probability that they’ll stick around.
So then, what is your relationship like with your mother?
How is your relationship to your boss?
The barista who makes your coffee every morning?
Do you have a solid group of men or close male friends you can rely on and tell your troubles to so you don’t end up turning your woman into your therapist and your mother? (Few things kill turn-on faster.)
What is your relationship to conflict? What is your relationship to sexuality? Partnership? Commitment?
Are there current issues or unfinished business with former partners, one-night-stands, or toxic relationships you could clean up?
Do you owe anyone an apology?
Are you still waiting for one yourself?
You know the people you need to call.
You know the apologies that need to be both given and requested.
You know the work that needs to be done to prepare your Kingdom in the domain of relationships so that your new partner can enter into something both safe and inviting.
Any and all relationships you have and the quality and content that goes along with them will be the INHERITANCE of any future partner that comes into your life.
Want to make sure she sticks around? Clean out your skeletons NOW, so she doesn’t have to.
Granted, a good woman can help you see yourself (and your skeletons) better than you could ever achieve on your own, but try not to give her too much dirty work right out of the gate!
Step 3 - PREPARE YOUR PURPOSE
A Goddess can feel it if you’re unhappy, unsatisfied, and bitter about your job, means of employment, or lot in the world.
If you haven’t found a deeper purpose to devote your gifts, guts, and glory to, your woman can feel that. And she bears the weight of it.
She can’t not.
It’s her job to feel deeply and be deeply connected, not only to herself, but to her man.
That’s the good news, and the bad news.
It’s hard to hide things from a Goddess.
Especially one who loves you.
But why would you want to?
One of the best things a man can do for himself and everyone he loves is to love the work he does.
You are here for something greater.
You’ve know it since you were a little kid.
You’d probably even be able to tell me what it is if I pressed you on it.
It is never too late to stop pushing paper for someone else’s dream and begin pursuing your own.
What is your mission on planet earth?
What have you been put here to accomplish?
And f you can’t seem to find what your purpose is in this moment, try making a list of all the things you need to do before you die.
I'm serious. Try it.
Then, cull the list down and order the distillations of your inquiry from most important to least important—whatever emerges as the most important, pursue that and see what happens.
Having something to pursue and aim it, even if it turns out to just be a pit-stop on your way to the real finish line, is one of the most important gifts a man can give himself, and everyone in his life.
Fulfillment lies in pursuing that aim. So, aim well, and don’t be afraid to let your arrow go.
Be on fire for whatever your work in this world, and the passion of your daily offerings will blaze like sacrificial flames that will reach the halls of the Gods.
How are YOU preparing your Kingdom for Her arrival, right now?
If she's already arrived, what steps are you taking to keep her around?
To the degree you can undertake this seemingly Herculean effort, you will attract your reciprocal.
Be patient and persist.
As a wise man once told me: "Make a good life and you’ll find a good wife.”
For through the measurement of his trials, Hercules forged himself worthy of a Goddess to match his greatness.
So too can it be with you.